There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i barfeds in our rink
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
