My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
