No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
