yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
