Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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