I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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