if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
