Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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