Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
