1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
