I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
