i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I intend to get homeless drunk
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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