woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
