I'm gonna have a badass scar
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
