he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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