I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
