Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
