i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
