im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
