I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
