Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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