how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize