id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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