Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
