I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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