Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
