Don't EVER smell your tampon
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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