he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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