Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
