Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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