I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
