Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
