I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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