I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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