Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
