i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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