I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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