All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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