Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
