are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
