She's JV to your varsity
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
