I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
