Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
