I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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