I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
