i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
