There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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