I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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