2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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