i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i out mim tonsoeep
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
