Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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