the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
