sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
