remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am naked and annoyed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
