Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
