girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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