normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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