when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
