took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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