This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
