i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
