The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize