the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
