these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
