tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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