Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
