I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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