She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I fill condoms, not promises.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
