it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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