Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
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