I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
