I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
