Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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