sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
