This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
