ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i've created a new STD.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
